As we wake up to the news that a country music star has taken her life, this question seems all the more relevant. Of course, it is a personal question. Do YOU, do I want to be made well? The
want is the crux of the question. Many times I find I want change, but I want someone else to do the hard work of enacting it. I want balance, but I find it hard to say no, to cultivate sacred space where the balance may be found. I want healing, but don't want to have
to change to realize it.
When we are asked a question like this, it seems that we immediately focus on ourselves, somewhat negatively. And, there is no doubt the element of self-appraisal. Do we enjoy our sickness? Do we revel in the attention, the familiarity, the contours of our excuses? No doubt I can answer, yes, in many respects. Do I want healing enough to focus not on what I can do of my own volition, but to trust in God's ability to sustain, renew, restore? Beyond the self-appraisal there is
more. Am I willing to let go long enough for God to reach me? Am I willing to follow in to uncharted territory? Is there something beyond my failures?
In Baptism we proclaim that we are a "new creation in Christ." It is easy to tap the hope when we see a young child emerging from the waters of Baptism. Is it as easy for an adult who has history, has consequences, has a network that may be toxic, even deadly? How does that new creation thrive in such?
Like those who employ a twelve-step model to beat their addiction, there is a sense in which we must "fake it until we make it." No one finds immediate new life, immediate change, immediate balance, immediate wholeness. It takes time, one day at a time, as they say. Sometimes I think we must live into the promise, the hope, even when we do not feel it. Then, every so subtly, a new reality creeps in and becomes more authentic.
Psychological gurus claim that it takes anywhere from 10-30 days to form a new "habit." What new habit might I form in the 40 days of Lent? How might that habit change the questions I tend to ask that lead nowhere? Instead of asking "why...why me...why this?" maybe I can ask "help me Lord, in whatever way you see fit." Can I surrender the why questions for a trust in grace? Is this where healing, wholeness, and balance is found? Today I will concentrate on what needs to be changed in me rather than what needs to be changed in the world.
This is a tough one. The obvious answer should be yes, but sometimes it is easier to remain as we are than to struggle to be whole. To relinquish my grasp on doing things my way and instead to trust in God's way is not easy. "Fake it until you make it." I'm good at faking it, but will that really work?
ReplyDeleteCould it be easier to trust in a God who we haven't seen than a person we have seen? Expectations are illusory and we see through the glass darkly. This article has the underlying tinges of self-pity which are valuable to the user because they feel entitled to something, deserving of better things. This lust, this passion must be subdued in order to escape the arrested development so many seem to face and face alone. If one finds themselves asking these same series of questions then the answer most likely is no. Who is not ready to let go and fakes it will only lead to compromise and a surrender to vanity. Kings or beggars alike must hit rock bottom and find the stone, then begin to build. Seek this first and throw caution to the wind.
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