Gee, what a question. Again, I suspect the answer we give is very important. I prefer the context given in the gospel of Mark. James and John are asked this question and they brazenly tell Jesus, "we want you to do what we tell you to do." Ultimately, they are planning their celestial 401K; they want the best seats in the house. Immediately following this episode, the blind man (notice the irony here) begs "along the Way" and only asks for his sight. And, in the asking it is granted.
If I had to answer this question, it would be with the above words: open my eyes, I want to see your glory, and open my heart, I want to be closer to you. I think that sums up the very essence of being in general. Sure, we can tailor our lives in a million different ways; we can base our lives on power, prestige, ambition, success, worldly goods. But, at the end of the day, if I am blind to what really matters and deaf to the still small voice in my being, then what good is it all?
I find it interesting that the crowd tries to shush the blind man (Bartimeus in Mark's text). How often does the crowd try to shush us in our effort to go God's way and not our own? Did the crowd fear that they would miss something, that those in need would steal from their precious time or schedule? Do I amble through life trying to make sure I get my fill? Do I clamor to be in the front row though I can see aptly from the last?
When I hear Jesus ask me "what do you want me to do for you" I can think of no immediate answer other than sight. Even that is a stretch. My truest response is "it is done, Lord, how good it is to be here." Yet, how often in my prayer life have I acted as the stage manager for God? "Go this way, Lord, please. No, not THAT way, this way, my way..."
To be free of wants, expectations, opens me to the horizon of what is. When I stop giving stage directions, I can find peace in not needing God to do something for me. Yes, I need God all the time. But, to do, I'm not sure that is necessary. Paraphrasing and adapting the old quote, "ask now what God can do for you, ask what you might do for God."
Bartimeus the blind man had positive expectations and those enlivened a faith which made him whole and able to follow Jesus in "the Way." What expectations do I have this day? Do they lead to wholeness or to decay? Am I plodding along "the Way" or still taking the back roads and detours? Glory lies all around us: taste and see that the Lord is good.
All I can say is this. I didn't ask to be born. But now that I'm here I'm going to go all the way. I have no expectations. I accept things as is. The only time I have expectations is when I am buying or selling. As far as I can tell I was born free. So, there you go. I follow Christ because I learned a long time ago you got to serve somebody and I've found the alternatives are inconvenient and inefficient uses of my time. Will Christ hold true to his promises? Ultimately there is nothing I can do if he doesn't. If I wake up dead one morning and realize that there's no laughing in heaven then I guess I'm as much a sucker as the rest of you.
ReplyDeleteI do however, get extremely upset when I see injustice in this crazy world and there is a lot of it out there. I suppose I would very much like Jesus to execute justice on his churches because his churches have allowed things to get way out of line. It's shameful and it doesn't have to be this way.
I wonder what happened to Bartimeus. What was his life like once he was able to see? Did he continue to follow Jesus? Did he share his story and witness to others? Did he witness the crucifixion? How did he make his way in the world? How would I live if my life were changed so dramatically?
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